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28 October 2009 @ 09:57 am
Contemplations  
Well i havent updated in a few weeks, been busy contemplating my life and having small epiphanies..

1) I am going to be 30.. nothing i can do about this, so it must be dealt with. I am actually quite scared, more of the actual number than anything. I am still as childish and reckless as ever so not sure that is going to change. I have thought about clearing out my wardrobe of all my cyber related goodies and go shop in BHS but i decided that was me being slightly melodramatic and that it is actually me that needs to do some growing up, not my wardrobe! My thoughts of late have been so disjointed that it is like putting a puzzle together, but i think i have all the sides done now, it is just for the awkward middle.

2) My mother is a shitehawk.. i have come to the conclusion now that it is definetly about time to do something about it. I have spent the best part of 15 years keeping my mouth shut to this woman so i didnt upset her but no more. She messed me up in so many ways.. When i was 18 i found out my stepdad wasnt my father like i had been lead to believe. They had been married since i was four so i suspected nothing, until i got a student loans form and on the back it had 'father unknown'.. so for 18 years i had spent wondering why this man hated me so much and fighting for his love, when i should have never bothered at all.. he is a c*nt anyway so i was happy about this.. but this sent me spiralling out of control for about 3-4 years as i was utterly clueless as to who i was and where i came from. It is hard enough being in your teens let alone doing this.. the mother said when i was 16 she had got me drunk and told me.. yeah ok mum.. getting your minor daughter drunk and confessing all is great parenting.. did you bother to check if i remembered????.. this is our fundamental issue. My mum's argument when i lost the plot at her... well your grandparents wanted to have you apopted as i would be a single mum!!! WTF.. i left for uni and since then we have seen eachother less and less over the years. Actually almost omitting the major fact that when i was 20 i ended up pregnant.. apparently this was NOT going to happen.. mum packed a bag, drove to london and she dragged me about clinics until we she found somewhere to well you know... i was a mess.. and now everytime i see her she cries at me and apologises.. i had no say in this, i was fucked up from the father issue, my nan dying and the pregnancy so just went along with it.. so mum i said none of this matters.. but it DOES, you need to fucking know now.. and oh by god will you.... and your smarmy, lying, poisonous new husband (who is actually younger than me) is gonna be told all about himself.. Christmas is going to be fun this year.. time to clean out the closet...

3) Boything is enjoying his degress course.. which is about time for him finding something practical and useful for his musical skills. He is very talented, but also has a small attention span, hence the ability to hold down any job that doesnt involve tradework is low in his world. He makes a great labourer/brickie/ceiling putter upper as he was doing for a few years, as it is like a puzzle for him to complete, but when that dried up.. office work a-no-no.. :( But now he is loving it, you can see the pick up in his eyes from being challenged about the things he loves to do.. yay for boything

4) Still no job - give me a job you bastards

5) Royal Mail can suck donkey balls... i mean comon how many strikes do you need to prove you have a bigger penis than 'the man'? I am waiting on really important information in the post, i needed it like yesterday, and application forms for jobs!! It isnt fair to inconvience an entire nation (on top of losing so much anyway) because you need 10p more in your pay packet, or to stop them employing temp staff.... oh comon at christmas anyone that works for royal mail thinks you dont need temp staff?? You have issues enough getting normal post through on a normal day let alone at christmas.. unions are great, until they unleash hell on the UK!

6) Psyclon Nine.. about the only thing rocking my world right now.. so off to listen to more!
 
 
 
dystopatica on October 28th, 2009 11:01 am (UTC)
Ahh, the approaching 30 style crisis, I know it well. I've been having that on and off for the last 6 months or so. Mine isn't helped by the fact that I've done the same thing for 10 years and now I am utterly bored of the entire cyber scene. I don't know how many times I have gotten all my clothes and hair out, taken pictures in preparation to sell the lot, and then bottled it. It's incredibly pathetic.
sybafairysybafairy on October 28th, 2009 11:17 am (UTC)
I have done pretty much the same thing in regards to clearing out.. i have 2 binbags for charity, and a few bags to sell.

I have decided i no longer require anything a little risque, skirts, or anything in any form of bright colour.. i shall be mourning my youth, but in reality i only really wear tailored stuff, or nicely cut shapes, and greyscale.. bar the silly amount of fleeces i seem to own :/ So seems stupid to keep things for sentimental reasons or to go out in.. i go out maybe twice a month and definetly dont need 17 dresses to do that with.

Goodbye 20's.. argh :(