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25 November 2009 @ 10:50 am
So the '30' is almost upon me.. been pondering things recently. You know all those 'things i want to do before i am 30' ...things i havent done. Where my life is going and what i have done in the last ten years, lessons learnt, or not learnt in the majority of cases.
Have wacked this under a cut as i am sure most people dont want to read my petty ramblings...

Boring Ponderings of LifeCollapse )
02 November 2009 @ 02:29 pm
So my mother phones me yesterday.. we have a very strained relationship anyway.. i was incredibly hungover..

First thing she says is 'dont panic'.. never a good sign.. she has had a mamogram (sp) and they have found a lump.. she has been biopsied and gets the results a week wednesday. FUCK....

31 October 2009 @ 03:52 pm
I am now really angry i havent sorted a costume out for this evening.. i really should have spent more time, but since the original idea went out of the window, i sulked and didnt bother.. damnit

Havent even managed to get a pumpkin.. fell asleep again on the sofa at 11am and havent really moved since.. i wish the students who walk down the road in the middle of the night wouldnt sing stupidly loudly and out of tune.. At about 5am go woken again by screaming woman being chased by a bodybuilder-related asian guy.. god i love Leicester

30 October 2009 @ 08:39 pm
I am excited for Halloween, although having a brain freeze evening so this is short and sweet.

Found the Swear boots i want. 159.99 (not telling the boy), sold my other ones so can justify them, and may never be able to get hold of them again in my size.

The boy wants to go to Redeemer tommorow.. so we are.. there are a few people going who i loathe and really dont want to see, or have to converse with, so i shall be dragging the party to Synthetica at some point with any luck.

I made pizza bread.. <3

This is all

28 October 2009 @ 09:57 am
Well i havent updated in a few weeks, been busy contemplating my life and having small epiphanies..

1) I am going to be 30.. nothing i can do about this, so it must be dealt with. I am actually quite scared, more of the actual number than anything. I am still as childish and reckless as ever so not sure that is going to change. I have thought about clearing out my wardrobe of all my cyber related goodies and go shop in BHS but i decided that was me being slightly melodramatic and that it is actually me that needs to do some growing up, not my wardrobe! My thoughts of late have been so disjointed that it is like putting a puzzle together, but i think i have all the sides done now, it is just for the awkward middle.

2) My mother is a shitehawk.. i have come to the conclusion now that it is definetly about time to do something about it. I have spent the best part of 15 years keeping my mouth shut to this woman so i didnt upset her but no more. She messed me up in so many ways.. When i was 18 i found out my stepdad wasnt my father like i had been lead to believe. They had been married since i was four so i suspected nothing, until i got a student loans form and on the back it had 'father unknown'.. so for 18 years i had spent wondering why this man hated me so much and fighting for his love, when i should have never bothered at all.. he is a c*nt anyway so i was happy about this.. but this sent me spiralling out of control for about 3-4 years as i was utterly clueless as to who i was and where i came from. It is hard enough being in your teens let alone doing this.. the mother said when i was 16 she had got me drunk and told me.. yeah ok mum.. getting your minor daughter drunk and confessing all is great parenting.. did you bother to check if i remembered????.. this is our fundamental issue. My mum's argument when i lost the plot at her... well your grandparents wanted to have you apopted as i would be a single mum!!! WTF.. i left for uni and since then we have seen eachother less and less over the years. Actually almost omitting the major fact that when i was 20 i ended up pregnant.. apparently this was NOT going to happen.. mum packed a bag, drove to london and she dragged me about clinics until we she found somewhere to well you know... i was a mess.. and now everytime i see her she cries at me and apologises.. i had no say in this, i was fucked up from the father issue, my nan dying and the pregnancy so just went along with it.. so mum i said none of this matters.. but it DOES, you need to fucking know now.. and oh by god will you.... and your smarmy, lying, poisonous new husband (who is actually younger than me) is gonna be told all about himself.. Christmas is going to be fun this year.. time to clean out the closet...

3) Boything is enjoying his degress course.. which is about time for him finding something practical and useful for his musical skills. He is very talented, but also has a small attention span, hence the ability to hold down any job that doesnt involve tradework is low in his world. He makes a great labourer/brickie/ceiling putter upper as he was doing for a few years, as it is like a puzzle for him to complete, but when that dried up.. office work a-no-no.. :( But now he is loving it, you can see the pick up in his eyes from being challenged about the things he loves to do.. yay for boything

4) Still no job - give me a job you bastards

5) Royal Mail can suck donkey balls... i mean comon how many strikes do you need to prove you have a bigger penis than 'the man'? I am waiting on really important information in the post, i needed it like yesterday, and application forms for jobs!! It isnt fair to inconvience an entire nation (on top of losing so much anyway) because you need 10p more in your pay packet, or to stop them employing temp staff.... oh comon at christmas anyone that works for royal mail thinks you dont need temp staff?? You have issues enough getting normal post through on a normal day let alone at christmas.. unions are great, until they unleash hell on the UK!

6) Psyclon Nine.. about the only thing rocking my world right now.. so off to listen to more!
25 September 2009 @ 05:05 pm
Actually i had technically nothing to fear... the dentist i went to see was great! I cant believe i spent so long fearing them (ie i havent been to a dentist for 15 years!! - last time i went i was 13/4)
She took out my poorly tooth.. well gave me the option of a root canal but it would have to be done on 3 seperate occasions (ie 3 visits yow).. or an extraction. I went for the extraction (it was the far right back molar, so no one can see it and i probably wont notice its gone), i can live without one tooth or get an implanted one at some point when i have more funds. The idea of root canals still fills me with dread!
Anyhoo, off she went, didnt feel any injections, nothing at all.. she was great! The tooth however didnt want to come out and it took 20mins of poking, pulling, pushing and prodding.. apparently i have really deep set roots (man!) about 5mm more than usual.. she was only 5 foot nothing and skinny as a rake aswell so practically ended up sitting on top of me by the end trying to get it out. Was quite amusing, but no pain felt at all :) Yay!!
For not having been to the dentist for 15 years aswell she said my teeth were great and strong, and there was no sign of any infection or decay in any of the other ones either.. was just that badly cracked one from a few years ago! Hooray +1!!
Still have to get my wisdoms done at some point as one is impacting a little, but she said the pain i felt probably was just the poorly tooth and had nothing at all to do with the wisdoms, its just where the nerves travel.
I am so glad i went and she was so lovely to me!!

Boything got an earbashing when i got in aswell.. he couldnt be arsed to get up and come with me, and i came home to a house full of people on Xbox.. 'Hi dear, i have a bloody swab in my mouth that looks like a tampon, a cheek to rival Alvin and the Chipmunks and i am in massive amounts of pain.. do i look like i want to spend the rest of the day with people in my fucking house'... was the general gist.. so they have all gone now! Hooray +2

Have downloaded Brazil aswell, the film from 1985, because to this day i still havent watched it.. supposidly quite good.. so going to watch people 'wasting ministry time and paper' and eat spicy tomato and lentil soup... noms!

Although i am ignoring all advise which is not to smoke for 24 hours.... i cant drink alchimahol for the next week because of the antibiotics but damn love you aint taking my fags!!

24 September 2009 @ 11:12 pm
Oh my good god.. i dont even know what to do about this pain anymore.. went to the doctors begging for more painkillers, got some crappy Codeine which isnt doing anything other than making me feel vile and sick, and something else which now they have told me not to take again after ringing NHS direct and being told i was probably having a reaction to them.. couldnt breathe properly, had chills and had gone all cold..

To be fair i doubt there is anything that is going to shift this pain, even my hardcore painkillers arent even scratching the surface.. one of my wisdom teeth has now popped through off the side,  cut my gum and ripped it open... i hope when i ring at 9am tommorow i can get an appointment or i am screwed! I reacon i need 3 teeth pulled.. i dont care if they take my whole mouth off now.. if i knew anything about dentistry i probably would have ripped them out myself....

All i want to do is cry but it is pain beyond the point of tears.. not sure if anyone understands that but by god, i thought it was bad last night, that was a walk in the park compared to this... :(

17 September 2009 @ 10:50 pm
Pretty much a ranty vent post this so feel free to pass it by ;)

1) Fucking working tax credits.... good god i hate these bastards.. said they posted the letter i need to send to the JSA on Friday last week.. utterly refuse to accept that it hasnt arrived and therefore wont reissue yet. I NEED this letter guys... i have been signed on for 5 weeks, have no money, am not recieving money from you at WTC and not recieving money from JSA due to your ineptitude.. get it the fuck together this is peoples lives you are messing with!!

2) Havent sorted Housing Benefit out because of above said arseholes not sorting themselves out. What is the point of having to resubmit everything to Housing Benefit when i get a new JSA letter? get it together government retards or i may start a single handed revolution involving petrol doused tomato bombs.. and cats strapped with C4..

3) Expensive shoes i bought from eBay labelled a size 6 apparently.. sent to me.. size 5 what a shocker.. can people not read shoe size labels.. it said size 6 '5'times in said auction.. ??? Said seller now not responding.. funny that

4) New bunch of cockends moved in next door who apparently can only exist when the house is full of screaming 17 year old girls.. or who feel the need to play PS3 or Xbox at 5am, blasting grenades off, waking me up thinking it is the apocalypse.. oh you will be sorry

5) What the merry c*nt is going on with the mail?? It is taking 7 working days to get first class to me atm.. and 4 days this week we didnt even have post, just a lump this morning dated from back last week! No strikes in Leicester, just bone idle posties.. saw one peeing down next doors alleyway the other day.. would have said something if the issues above werent prevalant *snigger*

6) I am going to make some new funky spearmint, baby blue and white roving to cheer myself up.. so that be that

7) The boy is ok and not pissing me off currently.. minor miracles have been known to happen and he bought me a magnum.. +1 the Boy

05 September 2009 @ 12:14 pm
So Reading festival was fun.. full of 17 year old indie scensters, but bah was a festival so i didnt care! I am not really even into the music scene that Reading is morphing into i mean comon The Arctic Monkeys?? A few blokes with bad hair that can barely pull a note between them if not in the studio.. but we did see a few bands over the weekend that were good. Placebo <3.. fantastic!, Deftones were great too.. Kings of Leon worth it for bouncing about to.. and Radiohead... they are once again rocking my little world now! The show was fantastic and they played everything i wanted bar Fake Plastic Trees.. they played Weird Fishes off In Rainbows which is one of my favourite songs so that was all good... Mr loved it being Thom Yorke's personal penis worshipper :) All good!
Reading is an institution for us these days, been for about 6 years now, but i am sad it is moving away from the heavier lineups it used to have, to the indie shite now being spewed out all over the place! Basically find 4 guys, give them a guitar, chuck them a 2 album deal.. when thats over throw them away and grab the next notalent guys in jeans too tight for them. Bah

Jobcentre finally sorted out my jobseekers.. and yes i get.. wait for it.. £18.22 a week!! WTF! I phoned them and apparently i have other income coming in.. actually mate no i dont.. i had my final pay of £1081 which has gone on 2 months rent (so we keep this bloody roof).. so now i have just over £300 including my overdraft.. Nicky shall once more be waging some beaurocratic war on Monday morning.. bloody government agency people!

14 August 2009 @ 08:09 pm
God being unemployed is so damn boring.. i have got myself in an awful sleep pattern of not getting up until 11am or so, well i mean not even waking up til then.. i set an alarm for 8.30 today and remember getting up, turning it off, thinking 5 more mins and then it was 11 :/

No jobs out there and have a jobcentre interview on monday :(.. pretty sure they will say 'you were fired, f off'.. even though it is total unfair dismissal :(

On the upside 2 weeks and i will be bopping about off my tits at reading.. well thats is the tickets come through and considering recent luck :/... gah not even going to say it